What is it?

This 120-minute interactive workshop that introduces participants to Mel Robbins' Let Them Theory through personal reflection, group discussion, and practical application. The workshop helps people recognise where they're trying to control others in their personal relationships, understand the emotional cost of this control, and learn how to release it. Participants will leave with a personal practice plan for applying "let them" thinking to reduce stress and improve their relationships.

Why is it useful?

This workshop addresses one of the most common sources of personal suffering: trying to control what other people think, feel, say, or do. By learning to "let them" be who they are, participants reduce their own anxiety and frustration whilst building healthier, more authentic relationships. The workshop provides a safe space to examine control patterns, understand what drives them, and develop practical strategies for letting go. This shift often leads to immediate relief and long-term improvements in relationship quality and personal wellbeing.

Target Audience

• Leaders who struggle with micromanaging or controlling team dynamics
• Managers who want to improve their relationships with direct reports and family
• Consultants working with clients on relationship issues or personal development
• L&D professionals designing programmes around emotional intelligence and resilience
• HR teams supporting employee wellbeing and interpersonal effectiveness
• Anyone experiencing relationship stress or conflict related to unmet expectations

Workshop Objectives

• Understand the Let Them Theory and how control patterns create suffering
• Identify specific relationships and situations where you try to control others
• Recognise the difference between healthy boundaries and unhealthy control
• Practise applying "let them" thinking to real situations
• Create a personal action plan for releasing control and building better relationships

Summary

Duration: 120 mins
Group Size: 8-16 people
Format: In-person, highly interactive

Materials Needed

• Flipchart paper and stand
• Coloured markers
• A4 paper (3 sheets per person)
• Sticky notes (2 colours, 10 of each per person)
• Pens for all participants
• Timer or stopwatch
• Printed handout: The Let Them Theory Overview (one per person)
• Printed template: My Let Them Practice Plan (one per person)
• Box of tissues (essential for emotional moments)
• Optional: Calm background music for reflection exercises

Process

Step 1: Opening and The Control Problem (15 mins)

Goal: Create safety for vulnerable conversation and introduce the concept that trying to control others causes our own suffering.

Activity:

1. Welcome participants and acknowledge that this workshop touches on personal territory. Explain that what's shared stays in the room and people can participate at whatever level feels comfortable.
2. Ask the group: "Think of a time this week when you felt frustrated, hurt, or angry because someone didn't do what you wanted them to do. Don't share it yet, just remember it." Give 30 seconds.
3. Ask: "How many of you have that moment?" Most hands will go up.
4. Explain: "That feeling exists because we're trying to control something we actually can't control: other people. And that's what we're here to explore today."
5. Share the core insight of the Let Them Theory: most of our suffering in relationships comes from trying to force, fix, change, or control other people. The solution is deceptively simple: let them.
6. Clarify what "let them" means: allowing people to be who they are, make their own choices, and live with the consequences, whilst you focus on what you can control (yourself, your responses, your boundaries).
7. Acknowledge this is both simple and difficult. Simple to understand, difficult to practise.

Debrief Questions:

• What's your immediate reaction to the idea of "letting them"?
• Does this feel like giving up or like freedom?
• Where in your life do you most struggle to let people be who they are?

Step 2: Mapping Your Control Patterns (20 mins)

Goal: Help participants identify where and how they try to control others in their personal relationships.

Activity:

1. Explain that we all have control patterns. These usually come from good intentions (wanting to protect, help, or avoid pain) but they create suffering for us and strain our relationships.
2. Give each person a sheet of A4 paper. Draw a simple diagram on the flipchart: a circle in the centre labelled "ME" with arrows pointing outward.
3. Ask participants to draw the same diagram. Around their circle, write the names or roles of people in their personal life where they notice control patterns (partner, children, parents, friends, siblings).
4. For each person they listed, write one or two words describing what they try to control. Examples: "their opinion of me," "their choices," "their happiness," "their behaviour," "how they spend time," "what they say."
5. Give 5 minutes of quiet time for this mapping. Play soft background music if available.
6. In pairs, share what you discovered. You don't need to share details, just themes. "I realised I try to control my partner's mood" or "I try to manage what my adult children think of me."
7. Come back to the full group and ask: "What patterns did you notice in yourself or your partner's sharing?"

Debrief Questions:

• What surprised you about your own control patterns?
• Were there any relationships you hadn't realised you were trying to control?
• How does it feel to see this mapped out visually?

Step 3: The Cost of Control (15 mins)

Goal: Create emotional awareness of what control patterns actually cost us in terms of peace, energy, and relationship quality.

Activity:

1. Explain that control patterns aren't just ineffective, they're expensive. They cost us our peace, our energy, our presence, and often the very relationships we're trying to protect.
2. Ask participants to pick one relationship from their map where the control pattern is strongest or most painful.
3. Give each person a sheet of paper divided into four quadrants. Label them: "What it costs my peace," "What it costs my energy," "What it costs the relationship," "What it costs me personally."
4. Give 5 minutes to write the costs in each quadrant. Be specific and honest. Examples: "I can't sleep worrying about their choices," "I snap at them constantly," "They've started avoiding me," "I've lost myself trying to manage them."
5. In groups of 3, each person shares one cost that hit them hardest. The others simply listen, no fixing or advice.
6. Come back to the full group. Ask: "If you could recover what this control pattern costs you, what would you gain?"

Debrief Questions:

• Which cost surprised you most?
• How long have you been paying this price?
• What becomes possible if you stop paying it?

Step 4: Understanding the "Let Them" Practice (15 mins)

Goal: Introduce the practical application of "let them" thinking and clarify common misconceptions.

Activity:

1. Distribute the Let Them Theory Overview handout.
2. Explain the three-word practice: "Let them ___." Fill in the blank with whatever they're doing that you wish they weren't. Examples: "Let them be late," "Let them make mistakes," "Let them have their opinion," "Let them be angry."
3. Clarify what "let them" does NOT mean: it doesn't mean you agree, approve, or enable. It doesn't mean you have no boundaries. It doesn't mean you stay in harmful situations.
4. Explain what "let them" DOES mean: you stop trying to change, fix, or control them. You accept reality as it is. You focus your energy on what you can control (your response, your boundaries, your choices).
5. Walk through the Let Them Decision Tree on the handout: Is this person's behaviour actually harming me or others? If yes, set a boundary. If no, let them.
6. Practice with examples. Present scenarios and ask: "Is this a 'let them' moment or a 'set a boundary' moment?"
   • Your adult child makes a career choice you disagree with (Let them)
   • Your partner criticises you in front of friends (Boundary)
   • Your parent disapproves of your life choices (Let them)
   • A friend cancels plans last minute repeatedly (Boundary after pattern)
7. Take questions and clarify any confusion.

Debrief Questions:

• What's the difference between letting them and having no boundaries?
• When is it hardest to tell the difference?
• What would it feel like to truly let someone be who they are?

Step 5: Practising "Let Them" Thinking (20 mins)

Goal: Apply "let them" thinking to real situations and experience the mental and emotional shift it creates.

Activity:

1. Ask participants to think of a current situation where they're trying to control someone. Something that's causing them stress right now.
2. Give them 2 minutes to write down: Who is involved? What are they doing (or not doing)? What do you wish they would do instead?
3. Now guide them through the "Let Them" process with these prompts (pause between each):
   • "What if you just let them do exactly what they're doing?"
   • "What if their choice doesn't have to mean anything about you?"
   • "What if you trusted them to live with the consequences of their choices?"
   • "What becomes available to you when you stop trying to change them?"
4. Give 5 minutes for people to write their reflections on what shifted.
5. In groups of 4, each person shares their situation (briefly) and what happened when they applied "let them" thinking. Did anything change in how they felt? What became possible?
6. Come back to full group. Ask for 2-3 volunteers to share an insight from their practice.
7. Acknowledge that this practice often brings up grief. Letting go of control means accepting we can't make everything turn out the way we want. That loss is real and it's okay to feel it.

Debrief Questions:

• What changed when you said "let them" to yourself?
• What emotions came up during this practice?
• What's the hardest part about letting them?

Step 6: When NOT to Let Them (15 mins)

Goal: Establish clear criteria for when boundaries are necessary and help participants distinguish between letting go and enabling harm.

Activity:

1. Acknowledge that "let them" has limits. There are situations that require boundaries, intervention, or walking away.
2. Present the Boundary Decision Framework on the flipchart:
   • Is someone's behaviour causing genuine harm (physical, emotional, financial) to you or others?
   • Is someone repeatedly disrespecting stated boundaries?
   • Is someone's behaviour illegal, abusive, or dangerous?
   • Is staying in this dynamic compromising your own wellbeing or values?
3. Explain: If you answer yes to any of these, you need a boundary, not just "letting them." A boundary is about protecting yourself, not controlling them.
4. Give examples of healthy boundaries that honour "let them":
   • "I can't control your drinking, but I won't be around you when you're drunk."
   • "You can make whatever choices you want, but I won't financially support choices I disagree with."
   • "You're free to have your opinion, but I'm not available for conversations that involve criticism."
5. In pairs, discuss: "Where in your life might you need a boundary, not just 'let them'?" Give 5 minutes.
6. Come back to the group and clarify any questions about the difference between letting go and setting boundaries.
7. Emphasise: "Let them" increases when you have strong boundaries. You can let people be who they are because you're protecting yourself appropriately.

Debrief Questions:

• How do you know when you need a boundary versus just letting go?
• What makes setting boundaries difficult for you?
• How might stronger boundaries actually help you "let them" more easily?

Step 7: My Let Them Practice Plan (15 mins)

Goal: Create a concrete, personalised plan for practising "let them" thinking in daily life.

Activity:

1. Distribute the My Let Them Practice Plan template.
2. Explain that this is their commitment to themselves for the next two weeks. The goal isn't perfection but practice.
3. Ask participants to work individually to complete the template (10 minutes):
   • One relationship where I will practice "let them"
   • What I'm currently trying to control in this relationship
   • What "letting them" looks like specifically
   • The phrase I'll say to myself when I want to control ("Let them ___.")
   • What I'll do with the energy I free up
   • One boundary I might need to set
   • How I'll know I'm making progress
4. When people finish, ask them to put a star next to the one thing that will make the biggest difference.
5. In pairs, share your plan and commit to checking in with each other in one week (exchange contact info).

Debrief Questions:

• What will be hardest about following through on this plan?
• What support do you need to actually practise this?
• What becomes possible in this relationship if you succeed?

Step 8: Closing and Integration (5 mins)

Goal: End with encouragement, acknowledgment of the difficulty, and clear next steps.

Activity:

1. Bring the group back together and acknowledge the courage it takes to look at control patterns honestly.
2. Remind them: "Let them" is a practice, not a destination. You won't do it perfectly and that's okay. Each time you catch yourself trying to control and choose to let go, you're building the skill.
3. Share this core truth: "When you let them be who they are, you free yourself to be who you are. That's the gift."
4. Ask for final reflections: "What's one word that captures what you're taking away from today?" Go around the room quickly.
5. Remind them of the check-in with their partner in one week.
6. Thank everyone for their presence and vulnerability.

Debrief Questions:

• What's the first thing you'll try when you leave here today?
• How will you remember to practice "let them" when you're triggered?
• What gives you hope that you can actually do this?

Secret Sauce

• Name the elephant immediately: In your opening, acknowledge that this workshop touches on personal relationships and control, which can bring up strong emotions. This permission helps people relax into the vulnerability.
• Have tissues visible: Don't hide them or wait until someone cries. Having them out signals that emotions are welcome here. This is not a weakness, it's part of the work.
• Use "we" language: Talk about control patterns as something "we all do," not something "people do." This removes shame and creates safety. Share a brief personal example if appropriate.
• Watch for the fixers: Some participants will try to solve others' problems during pair shares. Remind the group that listening without fixing is itself a form of "letting them."
• Normalise the grief: When people realise they can't control outcomes, there's often grief. Say explicitly: "You might feel sad right now. That's normal. You're grieving the fantasy of control."
• Don't rush the silence: When you ask reflection questions, let people sit in silence. 10-15 seconds feels long but it's necessary for deep processing. Resist the urge to fill it.
• Prepare for the pushback: Someone will likely say "But what if they're making a terrible mistake?" Don't defend the theory. Instead ask: "And if you try to control them, how does that usually work out?"
• Be ready for the safety question: Participants often ask about abuse or danger. Have your Boundary Decision Framework clear and rehearsed. Never suggest "letting them" in genuinely unsafe situations.
• Model the practice: If someone in the workshop is being difficult (late, resistant, disruptive), you have a choice to make. This is your chance to model "let them" whilst maintaining boundaries.
• The energy reclamation matters: When people let go of control, they free up enormous energy. Keep redirecting to "What will you do with all that energy you're spending on trying to control them?"
• Pair work is crucial: The pair sharing allows people to process verbally in a safer space than the full group. Don't skip or shorten these moments.
• End on hope, not pressure: The closing should feel like possibility, not another thing they're failing at. Emphasise practice, progress, and self-compassion.
• Follow-up matters: If you can, send a brief email after one week asking how their "let them" practice is going. This single touchpoint dramatically increases application.
• Prepare yourself emotionally: This workshop often brings up the facilitator's own control patterns. Do your own reflection beforehand so you're not triggered during the session.
• The boundary conversation is essential: Don't skip Step 6. Without it, some people will misapply "let them" to situations requiring boundaries, which can be harmful.