What is it?

A practical workshop that helps teams create a clear, usable conflict agreement so disagreement becomes predictable and safe rather than messy or avoided. The team maps their current conflict patterns, distinguishes between productive and destructive conflict, identifies shared triggers, agrees on specific language for raising concerns, and creates simple rules for handling tension in meetings, all captured in a visible agreement they can reference and revise over time.

Why is it useful?

Most teams either avoid conflict entirely or let it escalate into personal attacks because they have no shared rules for how to disagree well. This workshop gives teams a concrete playbook that makes conflict safe, useful, and fair. It reduces the anxiety around disagreement, helps teams catch tension early before it becomes damage, and ensures that when conflict happens, everyone knows what to do and what is out of bounds. The result is faster decisions, less drama, and more honest conversations.

Target Audience

• Teams who identified conflict patterns in their diagnostic work and need clear norms for handling disagreement
• Team leaders dealing with teams that either avoid conflict or let it get personal
• Internal HR and L&D partners supporting teams with recurring tension or communication breakdowns
• Consultants working with teams where disagreement derails meetings or damages relationships
• Project teams or cross-functional groups where competing priorities create regular friction
• Any team that wants to disagree productively without fear or chaos

Workshop Objectives

• Map the team's current conflict patterns, including where they avoid and where they escalate
• Distinguish between task conflict (productive) and relationship conflict (destructive)
• Identify shared triggers and early warning signs that tension is building
• Agree on specific language for raising concerns and challenging ideas
• Create 3-5 clear rules for handling tension in meetings and a simple repair script

Summary

Duration: 120 mins
Group Size: 8-16 people
Format: In-person, highly interactive

Materials Needed

• Flip chart paper or large whiteboard (at least 5 sheets)
• Sticky notes in 3 different colours (enough for 6-8 notes per person)
• Markers (one per person)
• Printed Conflict Pattern Map template (see handout)
• Printed Task vs Relationship Conflict guide (see handout)
• Printed Conflict Language Menu (see handout, optional)
• Large poster board or A1 paper for the final conflict agreement
• Timer or phone for timekeeping
• Printed summary from diagnostic sessions if available
• Index cards (one per person) for the repair script

Process

Step 1: Frame and Set Context (12 mins)

Goal: Set the tone that conflict is normal and necessary, establish that the goal is making it safe and useful, and ground the team in why they need this agreement.

Activity:

1. Welcome the team and acknowledge why you are here: "Conflict is part of teamwork. The question is not whether we will disagree, but whether we can do it well. Right now, there is room for improvement. Today we create a shared playbook for how to handle disagreement."
2. If the team did diagnostic work, reference what emerged: "In the Temperature Check and Friction Mapping, conflict patterns came up. We avoid hard conversations, or they escalate and get personal. Today we fix that."
3. Explain the core idea: "Conflict is not the enemy. Unmanaged conflict is. We need disagreement to make good decisions. We just need rules so it stays productive."
4. Set the goal for today: "By the end of this session, you will have a Team Conflict Agreement: a clear, visible set of rules for how you will raise concerns, challenge ideas, and handle tension when it spikes. This is version 1.0. We will revisit it in 30 days."
5. Set one ground rule: "We will talk about conflict patterns honestly. Some of this will feel uncomfortable. That is okay. We are building the container that will make future conflicts safer."
6. Outline the session: map current patterns, distinguish good from bad conflict, build the agreement (language, rules, repair script), practice, and make it visible.

Debrief Questions:

• Does this goal make sense?
• What would make disagreement safer or more productive for you?
• What has happened in the past when we tried to handle conflict without clear agreements?

Step 2: Diagnose Current Patterns and Distinguish Conflict Types (30 mins)

Goal: Help the team see their current conflict patterns clearly and learn to distinguish between productive task conflict and destructive relationship conflict.

Activity:

1. Draw a simple spectrum on a flip chart with three zones:
   • Avoidance Zone (left): Issues are not raised, tension goes underground
   • Productive Zone (middle): Disagreement is direct, focused on the issue, and leads to better decisions
   • Escalation Zone (right): Conflict gets personal, voices rise, damage happens
2. Hand out sticky notes (one colour) and ask each person to write 2-3 examples of recent conflicts or tensions. For each, mark where it fell on the spectrum. Give them 8 minutes.
3. Ask everyone to place their sticky notes on the wall under the appropriate zone.
4. Spend 3 minutes silently reading what is there.
5. Discuss as a group: "What patterns do we see? Do we lean toward avoidance or escalation? Where is most of our conflict landing?" Capture key observations on a flip chart. (7 minutes)
6. Introduce the distinction between task conflict and relationship conflict using the guide (see handout):
   • Task conflict: Disagreement about ideas, decisions, priorities, or approaches. This is productive and necessary.
   • Relationship conflict: Disagreement that becomes about people, character, or competence. This is destructive and damages trust.
7. Give examples of each type, then give the team 2-3 conflict statements (prepare these in advance or pull from their diagnostic data). For each, ask: "Is this task conflict or relationship conflict? How can you tell?" Work through examples as a full group. (10 minutes)
8. Connect back to the spectrum: "Our job is to move out of avoidance, stay in the productive zone where we have task conflict, and avoid escalation into relationship conflict."

Debrief Questions:

• Where do we spend most of our time: avoiding conflict or escalating it?
• What happens when we avoid conflict? What is the cost?
• What happens when conflict escalates? What triggers that shift?
• When does task conflict slip into relationship conflict for this team?
• Where have we had productive conflict? What made it work?

Step 3: Build the Agreement (Part 1: Triggers, Language, Rules) (45 mins)

Goal: Co-create the core elements of the conflict agreement: shared triggers, language for raising concerns, and clear rules for handling tension.

Activity:

1. Explain: "Now we build the agreement. We will identify our triggers, agree on language for raising concerns, and create rules for keeping conflict productive."
2. Identify Triggers and Warning Signs (15 minutes):
   • Split the team into two groups. Assign each group one question:
     • Group A: "What triggers conflict or tension for this team? What situations, behaviours, or moments predictably lead to disagreement?"
     • Group B: "What are the early warning signs that tension is building? What do we see, hear, or feel when conflict is starting to escalate?"
   • Give each group 8 minutes to discuss and capture answers on flip chart paper.
   • Bring groups back together and have each share findings in 3 minutes or less.
   • Capture the top 3-4 triggers and top 3-4 warning signs on a master flip chart.
3. Agree on Language for Raising Concerns (15 minutes):
   • Explain: "How we say something matters as much as what we say. We need agreed language that makes it safe to raise concerns and challenge ideas."
   • Brainstorm as a full group: "What phrases could we use to raise a concern or challenge an idea without it feeling like an attack?" Use the Conflict Language Menu (see handout) to seed ideas if needed.
   • Examples: "I see it differently. Can I share my perspective?" or "I want to challenge this idea, not you. Here is what concerns me."
   • Once you have 8-10 phrases, use dot voting to select the top 3-5. Give each person 3 dots.
   • Write the selected phrases on a flip chart under "How We Raise Concerns."
4. Create Conflict Rules (15 minutes):
   • Explain: "Now we create 3-5 rules for how we will handle tension in meetings. These are our rules of engagement."
   • Give the team categories to consider (write on flip chart):
     • How we disagree (what is in bounds and out of bounds)
     • How we keep it about the task
     • How we handle heated moments
     • How we make space for all voices
   • Split into small groups (3-4 people). Assign each group 1-2 categories. Give them 8 minutes to draft 1-2 rules per category.
   • Bring groups back together and have each share proposed rules in 2 minutes or less.
   • As a full group, review all proposed rules and select the top 3-5 using discussion and consensus. Write final rules on flip chart.

Debrief Questions:

• Which triggers are most common for us?
• Which conflict openers feel most natural for this team?
• Do these rules feel clear and actionable?
• Are there situations these rules do not cover that we need to add?
• What will make it easy or hard to follow these rules in the heat of the moment?

Step 4: Build the Agreement (Part 2: Repair Script and Practice) (20 mins)

Goal: Create a simple repair script for when conflict escalates and practice using the full agreement in low-stakes scenarios.

Activity:

1. Create the Repair Script (8 minutes):
   • Explain: "Even with rules, someone will cross a line eventually. We need a repair script: a phrase anyone can say to pause, reset, and bring us back to the agreement."
   • Brainstorm as a full group: "What could we say if conflict is escalating or someone breaks a rule?"
   • Examples: "Can we pause? This is getting personal." or "Let's reset. We agreed to keep this about the task."
   • Select one primary repair script. Keep it short and simple.
   • Write it on index cards and give one to each person to keep visible.
2. Practice with Scenarios (12 minutes):
   • Explain: "Let's practice. We are going to walk through 2-3 conflict scenarios and apply our new language and rules."
   • Present 2-3 brief scenarios (prepare in advance or pull from diagnostic data). For each:
     • Describe a situation where conflict is likely
     • Ask: "How would we handle this using our conflict agreement? What language would we use? What rules would apply?"
     • Work through as a full group, with people volunteering responses or suggestions
   • Examples: priority disagreements, decision-making conflicts, someone dismissing a concern, meeting tension escalating

Debrief Questions:

• Does the repair script feel safe to use?
• What will make it easier to say this when things are heated?
• What felt easy or natural about using the agreement in practice?
• What felt awkward or hard?
• What will help us remember to use this when real conflict happens?

Step 5: Finalize, Commit, and Make Visible (13 mins)

Goal: Capture all elements into one visible Team Conflict Agreement, secure commitment, and ensure it will actually be used.

Activity:

1. Explain: "Now we capture everything in one place: our Team Conflict Agreement."
2. On a large poster board or A1 paper, create a clean, visual version of the agreement with these sections (write it up as the team watches):
   • Our Current Pattern: Brief summary (e.g., "We tend to avoid until it explodes")
   • Task vs Relationship: Simple reminder (e.g., "Keep it about ideas, not people")
   • Our Triggers: Top 3-4 triggers
   • Warning Signs: Top 3-4 early signs tension is building
   • How We Raise Concerns: The 3-5 agreed phrases
   • Our Conflict Rules: The 3-5 core rules
   • Repair Script: The one-phrase reset
3. Review the full agreement with the team: "Does this feel complete? Is anything missing?"
4. Have every team member sign the agreement to show commitment.
5. Decide where this will be displayed: team room, meeting space, digital copy in shared drive. Make it immediately visible.
6. Take a photo of the agreement and commit to sending a digital copy to everyone within 24 hours.
7. Set a 30-day review date and confirm who will prompt the team to review and adjust the agreement.

Debrief Questions:

• Does this agreement feel complete?
• Where should we post this so we actually use it?
• What will help us remember to reference this when conflict starts?
• What are you most hopeful about with this agreement?

Secret Sauce

• Normalise conflict early: Say in Step 1: "Disagreement is not the problem. Bad disagreement is. We need conflict to make good decisions." This reframes conflict as necessary, not shameful.
• Keep rules specific: If a rule sounds like "be respectful," it is too vague. Push for specifics: "What does respect look like in practice? What behaviour do we want to see?"
• Do not overload the agreement: Limit to 3-5 rules total. More than that and nobody will remember them. A simple agreement that gets used beats a comprehensive one that gets ignored.
• Make language awkward on purpose: Conflict openers like "I want to challenge this idea, not you" feel clunky at first. That is okay. The awkwardness forces people to slow down and think before speaking.
• Watch for avoidance: If the team only wants rules about how to be nice, they are still avoiding conflict. Push them: "What do we do when conflict actually gets heated? We need rules for that too."
• Model the language yourself: If someone raises a concern poorly during the session, use the new language to reframe it: "Let me try that again using our agreement. What I hear you saying is..." This shows the team how it works.
• Do not skip the practice: Step 4 practice is where the agreement becomes real. If you skip it, the team will freeze when actual conflict happens. Practice in low-stakes scenarios builds muscle memory.
• Make the repair script easy: The repair script should be short enough to memorize. If it is three sentences, nobody will use it. One phrase is enough: "Can we pause and reset?"
• Acknowledge discomfort: Creating conflict rules feels weird. Some people will resist. Name it: "This feels formal and awkward. That is okay. The formality creates safety. Once we practice, it will feel more natural."
• Tie to diagnostic data: If the team did diagnostic work, reference it often: "You said conflict either goes underground or explodes. These rules address both." This shows the agreement is solving real problems.
• Make it visible immediately: Do not wait to make the agreement pretty. Post the rough version on the wall before people leave. Visibility matters more than polish.
• Expect pushback on "rules": Some people will say "This feels too rigid" or "Can we not just be adults?" Acknowledge it and redirect: "We tried that. It did not work. We need structure to create safety."
• Balance avoidance and escalation: In Step 2, most teams will lean heavily toward one pattern. Make sure the agreement addresses both: rules for speaking up if you avoid, and rules for de-escalating if you blow up.
• Use real examples in practice: When creating scenarios for Step 4, pull from their actual diagnostic data or recent conflicts. Hypothetical scenarios do not stick. Real ones do.
• Keep energy high in Step 3: Building the agreement involves a lot of co-creation and can drag if not paced well. Use small groups to maintain energy, keep discussions tight, and move quickly through voting.
• Time-check between sections: This is a long session with multiple building phases. Keep close eye on timing in Step 3 (most likely to expand). If running over, reduce number of rules or phrases rather than skipping practice.
• Document everything: Take photos of all flip charts, especially the final agreement. Send the team a digital copy within 24 hours so they can reference it anytime.