Imagine you're wearing a pair of glasses with tinted lenses that distort the colours of everything around you.
The glasses make everything look slightly different than it is — colours are off, and the world doesn’t look quite right.
The problem is you've been wearing these glasses for so long you don’t realise they affect how you see things.
You start thinking, "Why is everything so dull and off-colour?"
But in reality, it's the glasses distorting your view.
Once you take them off, you see the world for what it truly is.
In this analogy:
- The tinted glasses represent self-deception. They symbolise the biased, distorted way you see situations and people. The glasses make you see others in a negative light. So they seem like obstacles, problems, or nuisances.
- The world around you represents reality. This is how things are—how people behave, the actual dynamics of situations, etc.
In essence, self-deception is like wearing tinted glasses that alter how you perceive everything and everyone around you, making it harder to see the true nature of your relationships and situations.
Recognising this and "removing the glasses" allows you to interact with others more openly and honestly.
About "Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box”
The book's core idea is that people often deceive themselves into thinking others cause their problems while they themselves are blameless.
This is referred to as being "in the box."
When individuals are "in the box," they view others as objects or obstacles rather than people with their own needs, desires, and challenges.
This leads to distorted thinking and behaviour that exacerbates conflicts and problems.
Getting "out of the box" means seeing others as they truly are - human beings with needs, feelings, and challenges similar to yours.
This perspective shift helps resolve conflicts and build more effective and empathetic relationships.
Leaders who see others as people rather than objects create more positive and productive environments.
This leads to better collaboration, increased trust, and improved outcomes.
"Getting Out of the Box: Enhancing Leadership, Relationships & Personal Effectiveness"
Here’s a simple 3-step workshop based on the insights from Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute.
This 3-hour workshop is designed to help participants recognise and overcome self-deception, improve their relationships, and become more effective leaders.
Step 1: Introduction to Self-Deception and the Box (45 minutes)
Objective
To introduce participants to the concept of self-deception and what it means to be "in the box."
Activity: Group Discussion and Case Study
- Explanation: Begin with a brief presentation on the concept of self-deception, using examples to illustrate what it means to be "in the box" (seeing others as objects) versus "out of the box" (seeing others as people).
- Case Study: Provide participants with a short case study or scenario that exemplifies someone being "in the box" (e.g., a leader who blames their team for a project failure without recognizing their own role).
- Group Discussion: Break the participants into small groups and have them discuss the case study, identifying where self-deception is occurring and how it affects relationships and outcomes. Each group should then share their insights with the larger group.
Outcome
Participants will understand the basic concepts of self-deception and how it manifests in everyday interactions.
Step 2: Self-Reflection and Identifying "In the Box" Behaviour (60 minutes)
Objective
To help participants identify their "in the box" behaviours and understand their impact on their relationships and leadership.
Activity: Personal Reflection and Sharing
- Self-Reflection Exercise: Ask participants to reflect individually on a recent situation where they felt frustrated or disappointed with someone else. Have them write down their thoughts and feelings, focusing on how they might have been "in the box" during that situation.
- Guided Questions:
- How did you view the other person in that situation? (As an object or as a person?)
- How did you justify your behaviour at the time?
- How might self-deception have played a role in the outcome?
- Sharing in pairs: Participants pair up and share their reflections after reflecting individually. Encourage them to discuss how they might approach the situation differently if they were "out of the box."
Outcome
Participants will gain insight into their behaviours and see how self-deception has influenced their interactions.
Step 3: Practical Strategies for Getting Out of the Box (60 minutes)
Objective
To equip participants with practical strategies to get out of the box and build better relationships.
Activity: Action Planning and Role-Playing
- Action Planning: Instruct participants to choose one relationship or situation in their lives where they want to "get out of the box." Have them create a simple action plan that includes specific steps they plan to take to see the other person as a person, empathise with their perspective, and change their approach.
- Role-Playing: Have participants role-play their action plans in pairs or small groups. One person plays themselves, and the other plays the individual or group they are working to get "out of the box" with. Afterwards, discuss what was effective and what could be improved.
- Group Debrief: End the workshop with a group discussion on the key takeaways and how participants can continue practising thinking outside the box in their daily lives.
Outcome
- Participants will leave with a concrete plan to improve a specific relationship or situation and the tools to apply these principles broadly in their personal and professional lives.
Workshop Conclusion (15 minutes)
- Recap: Summarise the key insights from the workshop and encourage participants to continue practicing getting out of the box.
- Q&A: Allow time for any final questions or comments.
- Follow-Up: Consider providing resources or scheduling a follow-up session to check progress.
Conclusion & Summary
This workshop will help participants better understand the dynamics of self-deception, learn to recognise it in themselves, and apply strategies to improve their leadership and relationships.
Getting out of the box is not a one-time event but an ongoing process.
It requires continuous effort to maintain self-awareness and see others as people rather than objects.
See you next week.